My Friend

Who Was Mark Benfele?

The answer isn’t simple.

Mark was a big man. I’m 6′4″, and when Mark was at his healthiest, he stood a little taller and weighed a good hundred pounds more.

I first met Mark about thirty-five years ago, not long after I moved to Traverse City. Back then there was a shop downtown called Hocus Pocus—a store that sold magic items and games. I was more interested in the games. In those days, I was a fan of Dungeons & Dragons. Don’t get me wrong, I still am, though I haven’t played in years.

Hocus Pocus had a bulletin board for people looking to find others to game with. I posted a note, and Mark and his friend Leon reached out to me. We met at the food court at the mall here in Traverse City, talked for a while, and decided we’d make a good gaming group. That was the beginning of a long friendship.

Mark was an enthusiastic gamer—he loved his games. Over the years, we changed what we played and who we played with, but the fun never stopped. Even my kids joined in, and those times remain some of my fondest memories.

When I got back together with Cindee, Mark was one of the first people I told. He welcomed her with open arms, and they quickly became friends, too. When Cindee and I decided to get married, we were trying to come up with a plan. Cindee suggested we ask Mark to marry us. When we asked him, he was surprised—but in true Mark fashion, he immediately figured out what he needed to do to make it official. He did a wonderful job, and he helped make our special day truly special. He’ll always be part of our story.

Mark and I always liked each other, even though we didn’t see eye to eye on everything. Mark was a conservative Republican; I’m an independent with progressive leanings. But that was never a problem. We respected each other’s views.

Last December, Mark called me to say he had cancer. He told me he would do everything he could to fight it—and he did. Mark showed me what it means to face death with dignity. His courage through his long battle with cancer was extraordinary. I’ve never known anyone who faced the end of life with as much grace and strength.

I’m not a religious man. I’d call myself agnostic. Mark, on the other hand, had a deep and steady faith. His belief in God gave him strength and peace through an unbearable time. I’m thankful he had that.

In the end, for me, Mark was one thing—my friend.